Please note, this is a very informal guide. It's more of notes and just an outline on how to complete the game. It doesn't tell you exactly where to go (For example: Get Heyhoo, Bluhoo, and GoGo) but more of a reminder of how to do it. Also, there's some rather harsh language.

A full guide will be made eventually, this just currently a decent way for a newbie to figure things out.

With that in mind, here's the currently fastest known method on how to speedrun Any% HHHH:

Sunny Peak

• Tutorial bullshitz
• Get Heyhoo, Bluhoo, and Gogo
• Say LOOKIE to the older brother
• Float down the river, get Putput and Offdoff
• Fix the boat and save Bijou
• Go back and get Hamlift
• Take the boat over and agree to look for the potty seat
• Save Oxnard + Pepper, then Scat and Harmony cutscenes
• Get the potty seat
• REMEMBER TO TALK TO THE HAMLIFT GUY; walk to the right of him to trigger text, then Hamlift for 20 seeds
• Give the seat to older brother, then learn Sesam-E
• Lose Bijou and get Little Bitch to follow you
• Head right (at the top of the screen) and buy Bananas to give to the monkey
• Cheer up Little Bitch, enter the cave and go left, down, left, up, up
• Watch these sick fucks rub their assholes together
• Go down and left and buy the oil can
• Head up the rope by the bridge and rub assholes in front of Scat
• Pakapaka to save the ham, get Liber-T and Lovedove
• Exit Sunny Peak Sandy Bay
• Unlock Sandy Bay by talking to Boss
• Go left and Tack-Q PINEAPPLE ROCK
• Go down and learn FussFuss
• Go left and Tack-Q PIER ROCK
• Say Lookie to Broski
• Tack-Q PINEAPPLE ROCK, then get Tinglie AND SAY LOOKIE TO HER AFTER
• Get the Pineapple using Hif-Hif, then Tinglie
• Get Bizzaroo and Blanko
• Tack-Q SHACK ROCK, THE ROCK BY THE ROCK BY THE SHACK (fak u totalled) TWICE, SHACK ROCK, and PINEAPPLE ROCK
• Tack-Q ROCK BY PIER ROCK and PIER ROCK, then talk to Broski again
• Save Barrette, blah blah blah
• Hif-hif the bottle, find the captain, and say Hamha then FussFuss
• Island bullshit with Pashmina and Penelope
• Once getting back grab the Blue Marble (in red barrel by FussFuss bros), play the Pineapple game, and get Ta-Dah
• Exit Sandy Bay Fun Land
• Unlock Fun Land and GET PASSCHAT
• Get Scrub-E and dig up the garbage
• Play the dumbest game ever to win a Green Marble (600 points)
• Get Blash-T
• Go around the park counterclockwise, watch the ferris wheel cutscene, then enter the control room
• Say Heyhoo to the robot, GET CHUKCHUK, and beat Scat
• Say Gasp-P to Sandy and Stan to get Hamteam (and don't try to make me feel bad because you forget things like this you asshole)
• Exit Fun Land Boo Manor
• Unlock Boo Manor
• Talk to the guard ham, then pick up the flyer and dig up the pipe
• Say Blash-T twice, then buy the ID and enter the Manor
• Say Heyhoo and Ta-Dah to the man at the desk to get Thump-P and Bronze Card
• Head down the left stairs and get Go-P
• Go upstairs and all the way right to enter the door
• Pick up the journal page and Go-P in the second mirror on the top row
• Dumb boss fight, get the Silver Card, use the wooden board to exit
• Say Hamha and Blash-T to Dexter + Howdy to get Hamspar
• Light the fireplace and get Nopookie
• Use Tack-Q and Hamspar on the ghost blocking the door, enter, and watch Hamtaro get rekt
• Go back to the fireplace room to get Nok-Nok and Pushie
• Open the hidden wall passage and say Heyhoo to Howdy + Hamtaro
• Say Liber-T to the elevator hams twice to save Hamtaro and get Flip-Flop
• Play the Scrub-E game
• Go to the next floor and Tack-Q the far wall twice
• Do the quiz, beat Scat by saying Flip-Flop then Nopookie
• Collect your fabulous rock prize, then leave and say Thump-P to the yellow ghost to get Perskie
• Exit Boo Manor Wildwoods
• Unlock Wildwoods
• Say Hamha and Bizzarroo to Cappy to get Hampact
• GET WAIT-Q RIGHT NOW DON'T FORGET IT
• Go back to Sunny Peak, DO NOT take the boat to the bush cave
• Dig into the cave and talk to Seedric, then go down the vine and return to Wildwoods
• Say Lovedove to Cappy and watch his bitch ass run off
• Get caught in the cave, then say Hamteam
• Go around counterclockwise to trap Cappy
• Say Bluhoo, get Hamboree, and get the hot spring egg
• Give Bog the hot spring egg to get Clingie
• Find Jingle and get Thank-Q
• Wedding cutscene 1 with the one fucking textbox in the entire run that you can't skip past WHY
• Buy the rubber band
• Go to where Scat is and say Heyhoo to get the stick
• Enter the lab and get the slingshot
• Watch the temple cutscene and then exit the village
• Get Hamscope finally goddamn
• Shoot the beehive above Scat, pick up the marble, and return for Wedding Cutscene 2: Electric Boogaloo
• Get the Red Marble
• Go to the Clubhouse and unlock Scat Tower
• Enter SP and head to the Sesam-E cave, DO NOT take the boat
• Oil the lever and pull it
• Oil the minecart, then ride to the cave to learn RubRub
• Get the best item in the entire game, the Master Spoon
• Leave Sunny Peak Scat Tower
• Go to Scat Tower and Lookie, Heyhoo, Sesam-E, and Stickie across the water
• Head back to the lab and talk to the orange ham, then give the pink ham the spoon
• Borrow the Hamapault and launch into Scat Tower
• Enter the cave and Perskie at the door
• Say Passchat and then Liber-T to the guard ham
• Hamscope the Haminator, to no avail...
• Do the slide puzzle
• Talk to Harmony (Chukchuk, Hamteam) to get Love Shots
• Go back to the Haminator room and Hamscope again to start the battle
• Beat this stupid fucker
• Time stops on the last imput (when they bump fists)!