Y) "There were two ships... Z) "one was painted red... B ) "and the other blue. C ) "They collided. X) "At last report, the survivors were marooned."

      X) "How many zombies does it take to play...
      Y) "hide-and-seek?
      B ) "One."

      Y) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      Z) "Boo." (Boo who?)
      A) "Aww, don't cry. It's only me."

      B ) "This horse walks into a bar,...
      X) "and the bartender says,...
      C ) "'Hey, why the long face?'"

      Z) "You want to make a zombie laugh...
      C ) "on Monday mornings?
      B ) "Tell him a joke on Friday night."

      A) "Why'd the dinosaur...
      X) "cross the road?
      Z) "Because chickens hadn't evolved yet."

      X) "What do you call a fly...
      Y) "buzzing inside a zombie's head?
      C ) "A space invader."

      B ) "How do you get two drummers...
      X) "to play in unison?
      Y) "Shoot one."

      X) "Why'd the chicken...
      A) "cross the playground?
      B ) "To prove he wasn't a chicken."

      X) "Why didn't the chicken's skeleton...
      B ) "cross the road?
      Y) "He didn't have any guts."

      C ) "You know that math exam was a piece of cake,...
      Z) "which was a kind of surprise because...
      B ) "I was expecting some questions on a piece of paper."

      A) "These two eskimos in a kayak were freezing butt-cold.
      Z) "So, they lit a fire in the boat and it sank,...
      C ) "proving once and for all...
      X) "you can't have your kayak and heat it, too."

      X) "What did the zen master say...
      Z) "to the hot dog vendor?
      A) "'Make me one with everything.'"

      A) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      C) "Orange." (Orange who?)
      Z) "Orange you glad I came?"

      X) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      B ) "Hanz." (Hanz who?)
      C ) "Hanz up! You're under arrest."

      C ) "Now, why is...
      Y) "the frog green?
      A) "Because he eats peanut butter."

      X) "You want to make a zombie's...
      Z) "eyes light up?
      B ) "Shine a flashlight in his ear."

      A) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      C ) "Abby." (Abby who?)
      B ) "Abby birthday to you."

      Z) "Two boweevils grew up in South Carolina.
      C ) "Now one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
      A) "The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
              amounted to much.
      Y) "The second one naturally became known as...
      B ) "the lesser of two weevils."

      X) "Why'd the turkey...
      Y) "cross the road?
      C ) "To prove he wasn't a chicken."

      A) "You guys are so skinny,...
      Y) "if you were wearing white shirts and red ties,...
      Z) "you'd look like thermometers."

      Z) "How do you know when a drummer...
      C ) "is knocking at your door?
      X) "The knock is out of time."

      A) "Why did the zombie...
      Z) "drive into the ditch?
      C ) "To turn the blinker off."

      A) "You know how people say...
      C ) "'Time flies when you're having fun?'
      X) "Well, frogs say...
      B ) "'Time's fun when you're having flies."

      Y) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      Z) "The interupting cow. (The interupting cow who?)
      A) "Moooooooooo..." [Note that this line must be triggered while
              the skeletons are asking "The interupting cow who?"]

      C ) "and robs banks?
      Z) "Al Ca-plum."

      Z) "What's green...
      Y) "and sings?
      A) "Elvis Parsley."

      A) "How do you get a guitar player...
      Y) "to stop playing?
      X) "Give him some sheet music."

      B ) "Why'd the siamese twins...
      X) "move to England?
      C ) "The other twin wanted to learn to drive."

      B ) "Why did the chicken...
      X) "cross the road?
      A) "To get to the other side."

      C ) "Why do guitar players dance...
      A) "while they play?
      Z) "To get away from the noise the drums are making."

      X) "Three tomatoes were walking down the road: ...
      B ) "a pappa, a momma, and a baby tomato.
      Y) "Pretty soon the baby tomato started falling behind, so the
             pappa tomato went back, ...
      A) "squashed him flat, and said, ...
      C ) "Ketchup!"

      A) "What do you call a fish...
      X) "that's missing an eye?
      Y) "Fshhhhhh..."

      Y) "What happens...
      Z) "if you play the blues backwards?
      C ) "Why, your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life,
              and you get out of prison."

      Y) "What do you get...
      X) "when you cross a snowman...
      B ) "with a vampire?
      A ) "Frostbite."

      X) "Now what do you call 100 rabbits...
      Z) "in a row...
      A) "all hoppin' backwards?
      C ) "A receding hare-line."

      A) "I found this violin and this picture in the attic the other
            day.
      C ) "I took them to the auctioneer, and he says,...
      B ) "'What you got there is a Stradivari and a Rembrant.
      Z) "'Unfortunately, Stradivari was a rotten painter, and Rembrant
              couldn't make violins.'"

      B ) "Now why did the monkey...
      Y) "fall out of the tree?
      A) "Because he was dead."

      X) "Now what do a vacuum cleaner...
      B ) "and an electric guitar...
      Z) "have in common?
      C ) "Both suck when you plug them in."

      Z) "What do you get...
      B ) "when you offer a zombie...
      Y) "a penny for his thoughts?
      A) "Change."

      A) "Now,...
      C ) "why are we here?
      Z) "Because they don't want us there."

      X) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      Y) "Andy." (Andy who?)
      Z) "Andy bit me again."

      Y) "I went to the doctor for a check up.
      X) "It was okay.
      Z) "He was there."

      X) "Why did the cow...
      A) "cross the road?
      Y) "To get to the udder side."

      B ) "A string walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
      C ) "The bartender says, 'We don't serve strings in here.'
      X) "So the string goes outside, ties himself up, roughs himself up
              in the head, goes back in the bar, and orders a drink.
      Z) "The bartender says, 'Hey, aren't you the same string who just
              came in here?'
      A) "The string answers and says, 'No, I'm a frayed knot.'"

      Z) "Now, why couldn't the zombie...
      Y) "write the number eleven?
      A) "He didn't know which one came first."

      X) "How do you make a drum...
      Y) "sound totally cool?
      B ) "Sell it and buy a guitar."

      X) "Why do ants...
      Z) "hide behind tress?
      A) "To trip elephants."

      B ) "What goes...
      Z) "'Vroom! Screech! Vrooom! Screech! Vrooom! Screeeeech!?'
      A) "A zombie driving through a flashing red light."

      B ) "Why did the chicken...
      Y) "cross the road, ...
      Z) "roll in the mud, ...
      C ) "and cross the road again?
      X) "He was a dirty double crosser."

      C ) "You guys are so skinny, ...
      Y) "if you were standing sideways, ...
      Z) "I couldn't even see you."

      C ) "What do you call a guy...
      X) "who...
      A) "hangs out with musicians?
      Z) "A drummer."

      X) "Now why do bands...
      B ) "have bass players?
      Z) "To explain things to the drummer."

      A) "A mushroom walks into a bar, ...
      X) "sits down, and orders a drink.
      Y) "The bartender says, ...
      Z) "'Hey, we don't serve mushrooms here.'
      B ) "The mushroom says, 'Why? I'm a fun guy.'"

      Z) "Did you hear about the skeleton...
      C ) "who couldn't go to the prom?
      X) "He had no body to go with."

      Z) "Knock knock." (Who's there?)
      Y) "Who." (Who who?)
      X) "Hey, is there an owl in here?"

      Y) "Why did the teacher...
      A) "draw a dot...
      Z) "on the chalkboard?
      B ) "He wanted to illustrate a point."

      X) "Two peanuts...
      C ) "were walking...
      Z) "in Central Park.
      Y) "One was assaulted."

      Y) "This guy went to see this shrink and said, ...
      Z) "'Doctor, you know sometimes I think I'm a wigwam, and
            other times I think I'm a teepee.
      X) "'Wigwam. Teepee. Teepee. Wigwam.
      A) "'What am I, doc?'
      B ) "And the doc said, 'Well, calm down, son. You're too tense.'"

      Y) "What did one wall...
      X) "say...
      A) "to the other wall?
      C ) "Meet you at the corner."