For guide with images, see here - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sE6hyGg6ewV_KeWOpAwogGFI-Tpg0N-e2INarCIWx-0/edit?usp=sharing
Murphagator's 2013 run will be referred to as the "original run". I use many of his methods (so much of the credit for this guide goes to him) with a few new faster techniques I found. His write-up can be found here http://speeddemosarchive.com/TwoCrudeDudes.html
This guide obviously isn't absolute, it's just the current fastest known method to complete the game. I will update it when faster methods are found. A lot will be glossed over so it's recommended to watch a run and read along.
This guide is written for the NTSC/NTSC-J versions of the game. The PAL version was released later and includes many bug and AI fixes. It is significantly slower as most of the tricks no longer work
• Screen Skips This is a strange bug in the game where you can force the screen to transition where it would normally "lock" and wait for you to kill a specific enemy. We know this is a bug as it was completely fixed in the later PAL release. We still don't know how exactly to trigger this effect but it seems to happen when you're playing fast and hugging the right side of the screen. This is most obvious on the first level where it can be triggered in various locations.
• Bonus Stages Bonus stages appear after each level and are your only chance to gain health. These are all the same so I'll only mention it once: Timing your jump attack correctly means you can destroy the machine with around 10 seconds left on the clock (actual time taken is around 22 seconds). Spamming jump-kick over and over will actually slow you down by a second or 2. You can grab one health increase if you're fast enough. To start, you can buffer a jump kick by pressing Right + Jump + Kick just before you get control, ensuring you get the perfect first jump.
• Stage 1 (The Seedy Part of Town) One of the most complex stages in the game with many options on how to complete it. Running immediately up to the first enemy you see, grabbing him and throwing him left will kill the first enemy and damage the second. This might seem slower than the original method but in killing off this first enemy it reduces (not eliminates) the chances of lag when the next group spawns. Pick up the garbage can, kick down the wall and move as far as the first step to make the next group spawn. Then kill them with the garbage can. Pause just before the first "sub-boss" spawns to manipulate him into walking forward so you can jump and grab him. The rest of the stage is fairly self explanatory by watching the run, you can manipulate a few screen skips later in the stage by hugging the far right side of the screen, which will massively speed up the run.
•Boss (Heavy Snake) Destroy the wall he’s standing on then catch him as he lands. Then, throw him and stay crouched. He will jump and land just in front of you, allowing you to pick him up again. Rinse and repeat.
• Stage 2 (Highway) Grab the post to the left, run right to the first step and deal with the enemies (hitting the rock on the right as much as possible). Running to the first step hits the trigger to spawn the next set of enemies and destroying the rock as much as possible will speed up the next section. A lot of this stage is pretty self explanatory by watching the run, some well placed object throws here and there, but the flying carrier near to the end is essential to grab and throw as fast as possible as it will continually respawn otherwise.
• Boss (Master Reaper) This boss is also very easy to manipulate by standing on the second step and repeatedly crouch-kick. There technically is a faster way by manipulating his AI and forcing him to jump up and grabbing him when he lands, but this method is much riskier as he can randomly start using his 'scythe beam' which will make this method significantly slower. Done perfectly this method only saves a second or 2 overall so it's generally not worth it.
• Stage 3 (Abandoned Warehouse) At the start, run to grab the barrel at the same time the enemy at the top jumps, head slightly further right to trigger the enemies, then run under the first enemy as he does his second jump. You can then take out all 3 in one barrel throw. After that, most of the level is just playing well and is fairly self explanatory. The fastest method of killing the gun-arm guy involves picking up a car before he spawns to kill him quickly with: a car throw, a post throw, throwing him twice, then hitting him with a barrel. Saving the car is tricky as you have to survive 3 waves of dogs while holding it. This does save a significant chunk of time, losing the car can often cost up to 10 seconds. The next part worthy of note is just after the flying carrier there will be 2 boxes (air conditioners?) on the floor. Pick up the first one and run to the point where the right edge of the second is just on screen and you can use one to take out the hunchback and use the other to make killing the next enemies easier.
• Boss (Rhino-Man) The boss can be damage boosted through, which is the most consistent method of killing him. The timing is tight and you run the risk of him throwing you which will cost a significant chunk of time but you essentially wait until he charges at you, get hit, then pick him up and throw him. You can also manipulate him into jumping over you, where you can catch him in mid-air or grab him as he lands. The positioning and timing for this is tricky (especially the jump-catch). Once you throw him he will quickly bounce twice, if you start running towards him on the second bounce, then turn around when you get close, you can manipulate him into jumping quite consistently.
• Stage 4 (Back Alley) This stage has some of the most specific techniques in the game. The start is simple but the next part is one of the first instances of true randomness (as far as we know. This could very well be manipulated in some way). 6 gas-mask enemies will jump out of an opening in random directions. If you get lucky you can take them all out in one item throw, but if not there are a few items left to finish off the rest. Make sure you save either the car or the barrel underneath however to make the next section significantly quicker. A good spawn here can save a lot of time. Pick up the barrel or car, kill the 2 enemies and dogs that spawn, then run to the far right of the screen. If you're lucky, all 3 fire-enemies will spawn at once. Throw your item at them, taking care to hit all 3, then jump up on to the slope. This will force the enemies to also jump and you can quickly run down the slope underneath them and to the left edge of the screen. Pick up the post on the edge of the screen and use that to hit all 3 again to finish them off. If you get a late spawn, the same tactic can still be used but you skip throwing the first item. When you run down the slope (still holding the item), the last enemy should spawn and, hopefully, jump over you. This is tricky to time but once all 3 are grouped you can throw both items to kill them. Grab the barrel and move on to spawn a "sub boss". Throw everything on screen at him to kill him quickly, saving the stick on the far right for the next section. Continue on, killing enemies and a weird purple santa, until you reach the boss.
• Boss (Tiny Leo) Kill his first stage with some well timed jump kicks (without getting too far away from him, otherwise he'll do an annoying sliding kick) until his second stage. This stage can be easily killed by manipulating his AI into jumping to the upper level and picking him up as he lands (used in the original run), but there is a faster (and FAR riskier) method. This technique also works on the same enemy later in the game and even on the final boss. Throw him initially to get him on the lower level (not necessary but I prefer doing this) then as he's running towards you do a jump kick to land on top of him, take a few steps jump-kick away then turn around to hit him. Repeat this, alternating directions, until he's dead. The timing of this is VERY tight, but it's possible to kill this boss without being hit once. Getting hit doesn't slow down the method much but getting grabbed does. It's easy for the boss to break out of this cycle too if your timing is too far off and then he can gore you which is a significant slow down. A very difficult technique but can save several seconds if done correctly. If you get grabbed a few times it'll end up being slower than the "safe" method mentioned above.
• Stage 5 (The Subway) Quite a complicated level with a lot of specific steps but watching a run should help you understand them. Most of this is about throwing items at specific points, using previous techniques, and getting "lucky" with spawns (I don't think the late spawns are actually random, but I'm not sure what triggers them). If you get a late spawn on the fire-enemies it can really slow down your run.
• Boss (Nail Spider) The boss can be killed slightly faster than the original run: stand underneath just to the right of the platform and punch up when he drops down. Then jump kick him 5 times (attacking slightly earlier on the 5th), moving slightly left as you do, then quickly jump up on the platform and jump kick again. If done correctly, you can hit him one more time before he escapes. Stay on this platform and jump kick him as he comes down, drop down to the floor, then repeat. This will only save a second or so overall but it isn't very difficult.
• Stage 6 (Sky-lab) Picking up and throwing the tanks kills them instantly, there's no faster way of doing this. Then, more fire-enemies. One might spawn late, but you should hopefully be able to hit 3 of them with the post on the level above. Finish them off, saving the red stick for later. Kill the next 2 sub bosses with the available items, grab the far left yellow guy and throw him into the others then pick up the red stick and kill them. Continue using the red stick to make killing the next enemy easier. After a few more enemies we come to the boss rush.
• Boss Rush Stage 1 boss will spawn twice - with good timing, killing him (and the door) isn't too difficult. The next boss is the Rhino, again, kill him the same way as before, as well as the next Spider guy boss (who is much easier this time as he doesn't try to escape). Then comes Tiny Leo. There wasn't a known method of killing him when Murphagator did his run but I found that doing the jump-kick manipulation you do on the final boss (with much tighter timing) you can kill him quickly, even without being hit if you're very lucky. Killing him faster here, and earlier on in the run, saves a decent amount of time. Next comes the final boss who has a stupid amount of health and also can't hurt you in his first form. This boss is very obnoxious but keep kicking him (this hits 3 times instead of throwing which only hits twice, for some reason) and then finally throw him into the middle to spawn his second form. Don't kill him at the edge of the screen, otherwise he'll immediately launch into a run-ending attack pattern. Once he stands up, essentially repeat the method we used to kill Tiny Leo, only now the timing is much more forgiving.
And that's it! You've just successfully completed a Two Crude Dudes' speedrun, congratulations!
