There has come a time in my life, where my mental health resources are in need of allocation to actual people in my life. And I am not feeling well either, everytime I open this site I feel varying levels of anguish.
Many things look bleek to me and most things I do feel just meaningless and useless.. I've experienced that feeling just by observing what happens to me and how little I feel like I could bring in the table, sometimes even nothing. There's really no fire in me...
There's also that ongoing feeling of wanting to just quit speedrunning altogether but that bad it is not yet...
Decision's been made. I'll step down as a moderator of R4... Hopefully someday I would return to this position though, but we shall see what life will offer...
No matter what.. I'm thankful for what this game and Ridge Racer series has brought to me overall... It gave me meaning to life for two years and brought 1000+ hours of fun for me... May the grind for perfection persist!
Despite all my problems and emotions of agony and that what was told before likely not even being everything, I wanna say:
Thank you for everything and good luck to future runs for everyone / Kiitos kaikesta ja onnea matkaan kaikille tulevaisuuden runeihin <3
-Allu
Sometimes... you just need to be at the deep bottom to reach bright sky. Stepping back, especially when you feel it as correct decision, is sometimes only logical move to "refresh" yourself. Overall, speedrunning offers a lot of fun but also a lot of frustration. You always can start again if you want to, you're not losing absolutely anything.
Feel free to reach me on Discord anytime 😊
