Notes: You can kill yourself after some bosses to speed up the game very slightly. I'll mark these bosses with a *

Now, just to let you know when you hit new game to load a new game, hit Esc to go back to the main screen. You can then go to continue to start the game, saving about 15 seconds.

Levels

Level 1: Move forward, nothing to really note. If doing Real Gamer%, make sure to hit the snake and the punching bag at the same time to save a swing.

• Boss 1: Move forward and let the boss get close to you so you can do two swings in a row instead of doing a single swing, but either way is fine. You can get five hits until the eye flashes (eye flashes red six times before fireballs shoot off). Get one more shot, then hit him and the fireballs, getting three more hits. Then you can get seven hits, eye flash hit, then another three fireball hits. The next pattern, get seven hits and then attack him while he summons spikes. At this point, keep your distance and attack. When he teleports behind you,jump over the spikes and you should be able wall block him. Attack until dead. After he's dead, hit the spikes.

Level 2: Move forward. You can try and jump the tentacle while it goes down to try and get a little extra space.

THIRD TENTACLE SKIP: Basically, on the platform to the second tentacle, going up and down, you want to move to the very edge of the platform and time it so that you jump right as the tentacle is coming up and over it, so that you can get on the ground and attack the snake quickly. Move forward, jumping over the spikes. If the tentacle is going up near the appex of your jump, you can skip the third tentacle.

Real Gamer% - The secret bag is right after the third tentacle on the raised area with spikes on it.

Near the end on the stair platforms, you'll attack the orb. On the top step, you want to jump late, so you can attack the snake and land on the platform to save some time.

Boss 2: 4 cycles of 5 hits. You can stay on the ground for all 5 or jump for #4 and 5 to avoid fireball, which is safer.

Level 3: Move forward. The hidden bag for Real Gamer% is on the second platform at the bottom of the screen. When you are doing Real Gamer%, the time to hit the punching back is right when the platform hits the top of it. You can get two hits then and after getting the sixth hit, still have time to jump the platform, albeit, it's tight.

LEAP OF FAITH: Right after that, there is a jump called Leap of Faith. If you are at the upmost right of the platform, you can jump over the spike and save having to do two jumps. This is highly risky and not entirely worth it. Instead jump after you jump over the previous spikes to land faster before the next spike jump.

Final note is the two platforms and the bed of spikes. Try and jump when the first platform disappears to be able to cross the bed quickly.

Boss 3: 2 cycles of 3 hits and then 7 hits. After each hit, move forward to avoid the ground spike. If you feel like your sword mashing won't get you the 7 hits, just stick with 6 and finish on the third cycle.

Level 4: Real Gamer%, move back and attack the bag. After it's gone, jump to the cart immediately to start the minecart section. Afterwards, just memorize this section :/
There's no real speed strat here, other than knowing that you control the speed of the gears at the bottom by moving left and right. When you hit the final orb, move to the right of the mine cart to end the stage faster.

• Boss 4: Wail on that cart. To note, you can get two extra hits if you jump the gear, swinging your sword on the way up, and then on the way back down. Just know you sacrifice movement with that. When the top cup is fully red, stop swinging and wait to attack the fireball and the cart. After boss is dead, fall on the ground.

Level 5: So, this is a level where slowing down will mess up the entire cycle for Real Gamer %. Things to note when running this stage:

On the first platform you jump on, if the platform is just below the spikes before it, it's safe to jump on. If it's below it, you have to wait. When on the platform, move forward and just let the following blue snake fall off.

On the next platform section, move forward to get both bats moving, so you can attack both and move onto the next platform quicker. The next platform going up and down has the bag which you can jump and hit three times each jump. Kill orb, let snake jump off.

The blades should be moving the right way, so move forward and kill the orb and go down. Kill the orb and you'll see that you can't make the next cycle, still, get on the platform and kill the orb and go back left. (This is a risky strat due to the randomness of the orb firing, fair warning) This will save you some time despite not being able to get onto the platform just yet. Complete from here.

• Boss 5: Move to the right platform. Attack 3 times, hesitate and attack when it shoots the triple fireballs, attack 3 more times and then attack when it shoots from the eyeballs twice, then unleash 4 more hits before jumping back left, attacking twice while it's on the left side. After charging and going back, jump back on the right and attack three times, attack the eyeball shot and one more shot will kill it. After it's dead, jump on the swinging blade.

Level 6: Memorize :/ Nothing really say other than after you've killed the second snake at the very end, move to the right of the screen to end the level faster.

Real Gamer% - Secret bag is at the end of the gear road hidden in the spikes.

Level 7: Don't waste hits and keep going forward.

Real Gamer% - Secret bag is hidden in the bat section

Boss 7.1: Here is the boss pattern: Move to the right eye and attack while the blue puff fall. Move to the left eye when the blue puffs fall and keep on attacking while the orbs keep on forming. When he moves back to the middle, attack and move left to dodge orbs and then move immediately right and then attack. When he moves, move to the right of the screen and attack while he shoots out gears.
Move slightly left and keep attacking while the blue puffs drop. On the second one, move to the far right to avoid the puff and move back and keep attacking.
Eventually, there will be a blue puff from the bottom left then one on the bottom right and you can jump over both in one go while attacking. Repeat pattern and he'll die during the next gear phase.

Boss 7.2: 3/3/4/4/10 Those are the enemy spawns, but here is what to note.

Phase 1: Three lightning bolts hit where you are standing, defeat the three enemies Phase 2: Same as Phase 1 Phase 3: Lightning bolt shoots at your feet, jump over, kill 4 enemies Phase 4: Lightning bolt shoots outward and in, wait in the middle and move right to avoid lightning and then back in the middle, kill 4 enemies. Phase 5 Three more lightning bolts, and kill 10 enemies.

The main thing to note is if you get a blue snake, you'll have to kill it, but know what's coming to know if you want to attack it or attack it to move it back some to deal with enemies coming your way.

True Final Boss: Here are the following attacks for the true final boss from best to worst:

Glowing Mouth - 4 Fireballs will shoot out, this will get you quite a few hits on the boss, but be safe and move back while attacking because you don't want to get too close. The Fist - Jump over the fist as it comes and attack the boss on the way up and down. Do another jump and attack twice as the fist comes back.
Glowing Blue Eyes - This will move you back and forth, you can get some hits on the boss, just make sure you're not pulling in and accidentally die by being to close. The Gears - You can get an attack before dodging gears, and then after the third gear, start attacking the boss.

Red Eyes - You want to be as close to the boss as you can so you can go back and still have some room to attack the boss if possible, as this attack spawns spikes. If you have two red eyes in a row, just suck it up that you can't attack for a while, unless The Fist cleans it up. However, if it's their very first attack, it might be wise to just die and restart the battle and hope for non-red eyes.

FLASHING WARNING After around 10 attacks, The Flash will occur, when midscreen, move forward most of the way, then backwards most of the way, then forward most of the way, jumping only when necessary. You can attack the boss when the float down, but otherwise, he's invulnerable.

After 40 hits, the boss will go into Rage Mode, meaning there is no cooldown between attacks. Be careful because being greedy can easily kill you here.

Enemies: Snakes/Snakes on a Plane: One Hit Blue Snakes: Three hits Bats: Moves backwards, then moves forward, takes one hit.
Orbs: Shoots fireballs. Advice: Move as close as you can to take out the fireball and the orb at the same time.

Boss HP (Thanks to RoyalBlueWizard for these) 1:40 2:20 3:20 4:20 5:20 6:20 7:90 -> 3/3/4/4/10 8:60