I used to always try to beat games fast just for fun, but it wasn't until recently (as in, SGDQ 2016) that I actually found out that people do that as more than a hobby, so I decided to try and throw my hat in with the lot ... except I don't have a hat, so I threw a jacket instead

Throwing your jacket in is a good start. It probably just weighs you down and makes you slower anyways. GL finding a hat though.

Not having a hat saves frames, or so I'm told

It saves a few, because the game doesn't have to render your hat.

WIth that way of speaking the best was of speedrunning is completely naked This is something you won't see at a GDQ